Gross analogy? Or right on?

So I guess I grossed my son out last night with an analogy I made.  We were finishing up our Wednesday night soup supper / worship time and Jim asked us to reflect on Lent and our sacrifices.  I piped up and said that I had had a small epiphany while out on a walk a few days before.  What could be gross about that?  Well...it involves dog poop.

In the analogy, I likened Lent to the melting snow around this time of year.  That I try to see Lent as a time to strip away the outside stuff and to expose what needs cleaning or fixing.  Kinda like the layers of snow that are melting away right now.  After a winter filled with white stuff everywhere, spring comes along and warms things up and reveals all of the sand and gravel and mud and ... dog poop.  As I walked the other day, I had the thought that Lent should be like that for me.  Melt away the 'pretty' stuff (like fresh snow blanketing the world) and expose what's underneath.   Goodness knows I try to keep things under cover normally!

Samuel was grossed out that I included dog poop in my analogy, but really, it's kind of appropriate.  Sin is lurking beneath my surface. And it's dirty and mucky and stinky.  Not something I want to see (or smell) and certainly something I should avoid stepping in once I am aware of its presence.

I am, as ever, so incredibly grateful for my Savior's amazing grace and his unfathomable gift of Himself.  And on this Maundy Thursday night, I give thanks for this holy mystery in which He has given himself up for us.

Thank you, Lord.

Whoo hoooo!

 I got an A in both of my classes this semester!  Whooo hoooo!

I have a couple of weeks to bask in the joy that is completion of a challenging semester with satisfying grades and then WHAMMO, off to the next set of classes.  4 to be exact.  Two methods classes (social studies and math) and two one-hour classes that are only five weeks each.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Kinda.  It's still really far away, but I'm definitely making progress.  Slowly but surely.

I'm going to enjoy the rest of my winter break and celebrate Christmas in our new sanctuary and enjoy seeing my kids opening gifts and singing happy birthday to Jesus tomorrow.

*contented sigh*

My behind

Or, rather, I'm behind.

So behind.

Far, far behind.

Sigh.

My candle

Someone asked me the other day how I was doing. After a moment of consideration (where my mind raced through my 'stuff': husband, kids, church, job, school, friends, housework, etc.) I replied that I felt as though I was burning the candle at both ends and in the middle.

The reply to my response was "Oh, a conflagration."

Yeah, possibly.

I'm an expert

There are a few things I think I'm an expert at. Grammar should be one, given my English major background. But if that were true, my first sentence in this post would have been: There are a few things at which I think I am an expert. (Right?)

Anyhoo!

I think I can say I'm an expert at having twins. Growing and delivering and breastfeeding and raising two sets of twins sort of indicates at least a little expertise, right?

I think I can say I'm an expert at parenting. I've done it pretty well for 15 years, if I do say so myself, and have five kids that are mostly fun to have around (And maybe I'm an expert at being humble, too?)

I think I can say I'm an expert at reading. Or at least reading as a hobby. I've done a LOT of it. I understand what I read and I can read fairly quickly. I would say I'm an efficient and effective reader (giving a little nod to knowledge gained in my current Literacy Methods class).

I even think I can say I'm a relative expert at a few other things like faith and mosaics and cross-stitch and being a board member and friendship and maybe even marriage (as long as you don't expect me to know all the answers).

But one of the things I think I can claim undisputed expertise in is procrastination. I am overly excellent at putting things off until I absolutely have to do them. It's a gift. It's a curse. It's a horrible habit that I wish I could break. And am trying somewhat to break. Especially as I'm in school taking two fairly demanding classes and working full-time and trying to parent my children lovingly and well (I'm kind of an expert, ya know) and be a good wife to my darling spouse (again, ahem, expert alert) and keep my sanity.

I really want to get right to work on breaking that habit. But first I've got some reading to do.

Ready!

Yes, that is right. I am ready. More than ready. Extremely ready. So ready that it's a little scary how overly ready I am.

Ready for what?

I'll tell you. Just a second. I'm kinda worked up right now. Let me take a breath.

I'm ready to be. paid. to. teach. Spanish.

I opened my pay stub today, expecting twice as much income as in previous years. 'Cause, you know, I work full-time now in my dual position as a librarian and a Spanish teacher.

Except guess what? No really, guess. Any inklings? Suspicions? Did you figure it out?

Yeah...my paycheck didn't change. Hopefully that will be remedied very soon, but for now a piece of paperwork is missing that lets the district know I'm now working full time.

I'm ready.

To find a little more patience in a frustrating situation.
To have this solved.
To figure it out.


TO BE PAID.

Impostor?

I've been struggling a bit with the start of the school year. I have been a part-time school librarian for five years (I think) and, after a long and arduous year of getting certified and hired, added part-time Spanish teacher to my repertoire this year. Now, I basically did that same position most of last year, but this year I'm 'official' and am making much more moolah.

With this 'official' status comes more responsibility and expectations for attending trainings and workshops. Well, whaddya expect? you ask. Yeah, I know. What did I expect? Somehow I expected to have it be okay that I'm the Librarian who happens to teach Spanish. But really I am employed as the Librarian/Spanish teacher, AKA the Spanish teacher/Librarian. Equally important to the district even if not necessarily equally important to me.

Hence my feeling of being an impostor (BTW, spelled 'imposter' by me before tonight's Blogger spell check caught my mistake).

Am I being true to the new teaching position? Am I taking it seriously enough? Shouldn't I be eager to get better at teaching Spanish and seek out extra trainings? Should I have waited to let them hire me for this year closer to the start of the school year to see if anyone else came out of the woodwork (even though no one else did all last year)?

I certainly never planned to be a teacher of Spanish. It sort of fell into my lap when I got all altruistic and took it on last year. The person hired for the job bailed the day before school started. For a position that had finally been provided to our small, not-even-close-to-experiencing-equity-with-middle-schools-in-Anchorage middle school. I quickly volunteered to sub the position until Someone Else could be hired so that the position wouldn't be lost. Someone Else never showed up and eventually I became Someone Else.

Now, a year later, here I am. Not sure it's worth it. Because to be a 'real' teacher of Spanish I had to start a new degree program that allowed me to be certified as a classroom teacher. Which means lots of money for classes and books. Time spent on homework and away from family, not to mention the additional work hours that create new child care issues. And lots of stress.

And, my lack of true passion for the position has me wondering if I could be considered an impostor. Shouldn't I love what I'm teaching? Please don't get me wrong (although it'd be understandable, given my waah-ing). I love Spanish--the language is beautiful and the culture of the different Spanish speaking countries is fascinating. It's why I studied it for years and had it as one of my majors in college. But I'm not sure I'm a Spanish teacher at heart, standing in front of classes teaching vocab and conjugation. I'm a librarian.

I will continue to work hard at providing my Spanish students the best I have to offer. But in terms of 'feeling the love' for my newest position? Where do I go from here?